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my fucking soul hurts
Jul. 2nd, 2009 | 02:46 am
I HAVE LEGS
and they take me to the caves
the screaming echoes and bats are my peace.
I’m waiting for this to boil over
the air is hot and the water is hotter
but not enough,
I can’t take the waiting any more.
I curl into myself and release all hope.
Hiding under covers,
I'm leaking and freaking out
in that dark part of the room
I’m waiting for this to rage on
Watching others around me
calculating my thoughts
being careful not to let them slip over the edge
and into their hands.
I clipped my eyes out
So you can see right into me
I’m all that I am
let there be no mistake to what i can't do
I am the master digger
I can keep all this alone
I can keep this all within range of your trigger
Because I’m getting quicker and thicker.
but
My hands are too small to be held
and my eyes often change their mind.
I never match-- I’m telling you.
I’m in the dark part of the room
Staring at you with my ghostly eyes
And my damp skin
I didn’t become legless
I didn’t let them take me away
To a factory of unhappy people
Dressing and smelling like low self-esteem.
NO-
I refuse make myself match
When there’s not logical fit.
I sing again and again
Then I start to scream
Again and again.
and they take me to the caves
the screaming echoes and bats are my peace.
I’m waiting for this to boil over
the air is hot and the water is hotter
but not enough,
I can’t take the waiting any more.
I curl into myself and release all hope.
Hiding under covers,
I'm leaking and freaking out
in that dark part of the room
I’m waiting for this to rage on
Watching others around me
calculating my thoughts
being careful not to let them slip over the edge
and into their hands.
I clipped my eyes out
So you can see right into me
I’m all that I am
let there be no mistake to what i can't do
I am the master digger
I can keep all this alone
I can keep this all within range of your trigger
Because I’m getting quicker and thicker.
but
My hands are too small to be held
and my eyes often change their mind.
I never match-- I’m telling you.
I’m in the dark part of the room
Staring at you with my ghostly eyes
And my damp skin
I didn’t become legless
I didn’t let them take me away
To a factory of unhappy people
Dressing and smelling like low self-esteem.
NO-
I refuse make myself match
When there’s not logical fit.
I sing again and again
Then I start to scream
Again and again.
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PEACEE
Jun. 9th, 2009 | 11:45 pm
so, a few weeks ago i cut my index open pretty deep while cashing a pipe that broke in my hand. I FUCKING HATE DEALING WITH CUTS AND INJURIES! (as most of you kn0w) I noticed, finally being healed,that skin grew back stronger and thicker.
Remember folks, this is new to me because i don't know shit about the human body. have never been to a biology, anatomy or sex ed class since 4th grade. not even in high school, i was excused from it. so realizing that i literally get stronger in the places i get hurt and heal from, blew me the fuck away.
so much swearing.
um, so this is proof that this "break" with bobby with be good. living alone in my own place with my two cats will be good. i will be able to learn to play the guitar and sing better. i have already reworked the existing TheVery songs and improved and changed my back up singing. as of now, out first show is at the soda bar in july. CAN'T COME SOON3R!!! i need to be out playing. this needs to take off. oh and, i'm playing a show with mermaid in august... scared? upset? pissed? no, because we are going to blow them out of the water. fucking haters
haven't been smoking as much
haven't been eating as much shitty food
haven't been sleeping all day as much
Remember folks, this is new to me because i don't know shit about the human body. have never been to a biology, anatomy or sex ed class since 4th grade. not even in high school, i was excused from it. so realizing that i literally get stronger in the places i get hurt and heal from, blew me the fuck away.
so much swearing.
um, so this is proof that this "break" with bobby with be good. living alone in my own place with my two cats will be good. i will be able to learn to play the guitar and sing better. i have already reworked the existing TheVery songs and improved and changed my back up singing. as of now, out first show is at the soda bar in july. CAN'T COME SOON3R!!! i need to be out playing. this needs to take off. oh and, i'm playing a show with mermaid in august... scared? upset? pissed? no, because we are going to blow them out of the water. fucking haters
haven't been smoking as much
haven't been eating as much shitty food
haven't been sleeping all day as much
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no text is going to give me head
May. 6th, 2009 | 10:34 pm
She is the girl that these broken hearts write about
nights in Hillcrest
can turn into nights in North Park
Good nights with us, let's remember that
There is always another band about to play
she had her head with one
and her heart with the other
the songs start to crowd the room
off her chair
up with people
Records spin as hope flies out the window
nights in Hillcrest
can turn into nights in North Park
Good nights with us, let's remember that
There is always another band about to play
she had her head with one
and her heart with the other
the songs start to crowd the room
off her chair
up with people
Records spin as hope flies out the window
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best 420 eva!
Apr. 20th, 2009 | 11:42 pm
location: paradise
Today it was over 90 degree in the county of san diego. So, how did I enjoy the lovely, but scorching day? I went to beautiful La Jolla beach for a kayaking tour.
I went with bob's visiting sister and brother in law. I wore plenty of spf and managed to not get burned. I feel like my mom would be proud. When it comes to skin safety, I doontt pheck around with it.
After three hours of exploring the entire cove, we were finally paddling to shore and we saw: leopard sharks, a jelly fish, and a huge sea turtle. I don't normally do outdoor activities like that. It was good for me to get outside of my comfort zone.
Tomorrow? Back to coffee, failing accounting, hours of more classes, french grammar exercises and then an evening working at STyleS!!! Daily grind, c'est la vie!
me, gearing up
I went with bob's visiting sister and brother in law. I wore plenty of spf and managed to not get burned. I feel like my mom would be proud. When it comes to skin safety, I doontt pheck around with it.
After three hours of exploring the entire cove, we were finally paddling to shore and we saw: leopard sharks, a jelly fish, and a huge sea turtle. I don't normally do outdoor activities like that. It was good for me to get outside of my comfort zone.
Tomorrow? Back to coffee, failing accounting, hours of more classes, french grammar exercises and then an evening working at STyleS!!! Daily grind, c'est la vie!
me, gearing up
the view from deep off the coast
some cavessssssss
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(no subject)
Mar. 25th, 2009 | 07:43 pm
i have a twitter
my name is PureLaine on it
umm what does it do? i couldn't really figure it out!
my name is PureLaine on it
umm what does it do? i couldn't really figure it out!
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(no subject)
Nov. 25th, 2008 | 11:34 am
when i woke up this morning, i asked myself the question i always ask when my day invovled non-french classes... should i go?
i slowly make my way over the computer to see what my grade is for the class and when i see i got a 100 on the midterm that was fucking really hard and took me two hours to do.. i was like sweet i have an A- in this class. no way am i going.
i have 2 A's and a B and one F from accounting. but since i'm taking it over again next semester the F will be erased with my new grade so my GPA won't be hurt. currently my GAP is 3.2 ...not bad but if i could be a 3.5 HELL YA.
haha i care way too much about this shit. and its funny because i never go to non-french class.
i slowly make my way over the computer to see what my grade is for the class and when i see i got a 100 on the midterm that was fucking really hard and took me two hours to do.. i was like sweet i have an A- in this class. no way am i going.
i have 2 A's and a B and one F from accounting. but since i'm taking it over again next semester the F will be erased with my new grade so my GPA won't be hurt. currently my GAP is 3.2 ...not bad but if i could be a 3.5 HELL YA.
haha i care way too much about this shit. and its funny because i never go to non-french class.
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(no subject)
Nov. 19th, 2008 | 10:39 pm
some say she was in love with madonna
by the way she covered her arms
oh we used to say she was in love with her
and we all believed
We are on the verge of this
this thing that's happening here
and we becoming aware
she's saving this
she saves her eyes inside her pockets
she leaks her tears when she slide in
and she becoming aware
she's strangling this
she's saving this
by the way she covered her arms
oh we used to say she was in love with her
and we all believed
We are on the verge of this
this thing that's happening here
and we becoming aware
she's saving this
she saves her eyes inside her pockets
she leaks her tears when she slide in
and she becoming aware
she's strangling this
she's saving this
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(no subject)
Aug. 21st, 2008 | 09:02 pm
and they tried to burry me
but instead under the ground
i grew-
and up and up i flew
but instead under the ground
i grew-
and up and up i flew
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(no subject)
Aug. 4th, 2008 | 09:46 pm
i'm over the west coast.
i have no where to live as of sunday.
i have no where to live as of sunday.
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(no subject)
May. 31st, 2008 | 10:36 am
its time for another mermard road trip! i'm so excited. sucks we aren't getting a hotel but i bet it will be better (cheaper)
umm so we're kinda a big deal now eh?
umm so we're kinda a big deal now eh?
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(no subject)
May. 29th, 2008 | 08:26 pm
so i'm stoned..again.
listening to M.I.A, heather said i reminded her of her. heather also said she was staying here for the summer
oo that was bitter.
so on my stealing, i tried to stop but its hard. i made out today from the sdsu bookstore with 5 new amazing books that i can't wait to read. i'm currently reading one about emo culture which makes me laugh because in highschool that was my scene.
listening to M.I.A, heather said i reminded her of her. heather also said she was staying here for the summer
oo that was bitter.
so on my stealing, i tried to stop but its hard. i made out today from the sdsu bookstore with 5 new amazing books that i can't wait to read. i'm currently reading one about emo culture which makes me laugh because in highschool that was my scene.
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(no subject)
May. 27th, 2008 | 02:11 pm
SO FUCKING PISSED.
when you have a gf why do you have to look at porn?
when you have a gf why do you have to sleep with someone else?
tried throwing up, but there's nothing in my stomach.
pretty much want to kill someone right now.
oh and i guess since i steal, i'm trashy.
but when i stopped-they would try and make me steal anyways.
i can't fucking win.
third entry of the day.
when you have a gf why do you have to look at porn?
when you have a gf why do you have to sleep with someone else?
tried throwing up, but there's nothing in my stomach.
pretty much want to kill someone right now.
oh and i guess since i steal, i'm trashy.
but when i stopped-they would try and make me steal anyways.
i can't fucking win.
third entry of the day.
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(no subject)
May. 27th, 2008 | 01:04 pm
i just was reading an article about why women make less money than men. One of the issues was DUH gender discrimination and then the second reason was that "women work less"
wow, fuck that.
wow, fuck that.
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(no subject)
May. 27th, 2008 | 03:02 am
I can mingle with the stars & throw a party on Mars
I am a prisoner locked up behind Xanax bars
I have just boarded a plane without a pilot
And violets are blue, roses are red
Daisies are yellow, the flowers are dead
I am a prisoner locked up behind Xanax bars
I have just boarded a plane without a pilot
And violets are blue, roses are red
Daisies are yellow, the flowers are dead
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(no subject)
May. 25th, 2008 | 10:31 am
so i had this really bad dream that mermaid had a show and bobby and my dad were here to watch it and i was so excited but i had to go and get my words or something and it took so long and so mermaid played the show without me. i cried so much and yelled and told them i hated them because i was so sad they didn't need me to play a show. SO FUCKING GLAD i woke up and thats not real and i have practice today. PHEW!
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(no subject)
May. 18th, 2008 | 05:13 pm
so here i am, in Wisconsin in my brothers house. i am kind of drunk as i type this.
umm i don't know what to say
i'm cuddling with my brother's cat, Vladmir.
its been a great weekend because mom and debbie aren't here. therefore there is NO tension and everyone is here to support mick ya know?
mick's gf is amazing. i'm so happy for him! i cried at his graduation. i hope i'm able to graduate in 4 years and make my family as proud as they are as mick.
um...
ya idk.....
i suck at lj
umm i don't know what to say
i'm cuddling with my brother's cat, Vladmir.
its been a great weekend because mom and debbie aren't here. therefore there is NO tension and everyone is here to support mick ya know?
mick's gf is amazing. i'm so happy for him! i cried at his graduation. i hope i'm able to graduate in 4 years and make my family as proud as they are as mick.
um...
ya idk.....
i suck at lj
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(no subject)
May. 8th, 2008 | 08:22 am
mood: 
anxious
music: weezy, wait... what???
i am going to study very hard for accounting and anthro. they aren't until next thursday and friday. i'm going to read the accounting chapters, cover to cover, then make anthro flash cards. i am going to spend beaucoup de temps a la livingroom!
bobby=fucking amazing. i had a break down last night about things and i take it out on certain things like eating. so adam and hannah were gone so we snuggled up and watched family guy and he went and bought me a lasagna to eat. today is our anniversary. i'm going to make him a card and i have a teal dress that's really pretty, but we dont have enough money to go out for dinner. so i'll probably save it. i think we are going to go to sunset cliffs and walk around. hannah leaves tonight until monday so we have her car.
heather bailey comes monday. and she is taking me out to dinner, i can't wait.
umm ya i feel like i suck because idk. i just do.
bobby=fucking amazing. i had a break down last night about things and i take it out on certain things like eating. so adam and hannah were gone so we snuggled up and watched family guy and he went and bought me a lasagna to eat. today is our anniversary. i'm going to make him a card and i have a teal dress that's really pretty, but we dont have enough money to go out for dinner. so i'll probably save it. i think we are going to go to sunset cliffs and walk around. hannah leaves tonight until monday so we have her car.
heather bailey comes monday. and she is taking me out to dinner, i can't wait.
umm ya i feel like i suck because idk. i just do.
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(no subject)
May. 7th, 2008 | 10:16 am
SO, yesterday at SDSU over 100 people were arrested for selling drugs like coke. Over 7 frat houses are closed down because of this. I fucking hate frat houses and i'm so glad they got caught. Two different people in the last year on campus have died from overdose on drugs they got from these people. It's all over the news and its all we talk about in class. Some sorority sluts are trying to defend the frats saying its blown out of proportion. It makes me so mad.
Bobby and Adam have been here for three weeks. Its been amazing. I love Bobby. Adam and i had a rough time for a while but its worked out-i hope. Things have calmed down and stuff. They all hate Hannah and see her for what she is. Like when my mom OD, she went out and did coke and brought home a dealer who was 30, later that night after blood and a hole in the wall, he was arrested. She is so fucking stupid and i can't wait to NOT live with her. In 5 days, Heather Bailey is moving out here for the summer. We both are not going to Maine. I have no home to go to, (Debbie kicked me out, mom in rehab) and Heather just wants a new experience and i couldn't be happier.
i have skipped school for like a week. Ya. VERY stressed. I can only seem to get up and go to work because i'm making money. But ya, three more days left of school-- --and i can't even bring myself to go. Fuck panic attacks and self defeating thoughts. But i'm working on it. I went today, in fact i am currently in anthropology listening to have many people die from cancer. SWEET.
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(no subject)
Apr. 29th, 2008 | 07:47 am
hi i don't have the internet at my apartment anymore.
hannah and i are not going to be room mates next year
um bobby moved out here and we hang out with like.. other mainers here we know, such a small world.
hannah and i are not going to be room mates next year
um bobby moved out here and we hang out with like.. other mainers here we know, such a small world.
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(no subject)
Apr. 15th, 2008 | 07:38 am
work 5 days in a row
3 tests
a quiz
a paper
and hannah tripping on a monday night
bobby not knowing how to treat a gf
mom in rehab
600 dollars in debt
i think i'm about to snap.
3 tests
a quiz
a paper
and hannah tripping on a monday night
bobby not knowing how to treat a gf
mom in rehab
600 dollars in debt
i think i'm about to snap.